SECRETS THAT I GAVE

Fear is inside my bones,

but i will not say anything

forgiveness will merge in the darkness

putrid breath of winter

will touch our desires and wails.

i gave you all my secrets

but vague confidences in your ear

have been loosing,

and i stand up and the sun suddenly

is just mine

in every crevice of my soul

i just can find you

deep inside there lies a treasure

where i lost the key

trying to find the secrets

that i gave away.

text by Lara Antonioni.

ANOTHER NIGHT.

Destroyed all my thoughts

i danced until the end

cold shiver and forgotten

all those faces

hide myself,i feel being despaired,

disappearing in every smile

they will tell you i need you

they will tell you get away from me

an another night

i will dream with it meant to be

an another night

i cling the lonely dance.

text by Lara Antonioni

BARRERAS

Desde el primer momento

tu,congelastes mi aliento...

no hay suficiente razones

para encontrarte

no hay barreras que

impidan lo que siento

por ti.

Totalmente entregada

voy a ti

tu respuesta aun sigue

callada,permanezco clavada

a tu espera

a su olvido,no hay barreras

que me impidan hablar contigo,

él no comprende que ya no es parte

de mi destino.

y yo muero por tenerte enfrente

esta noche, en nuestro hado.

text by Lara Antonioni

I,INDIVIDUAL,ABSTRACT.

i shall not go to winners heaven

in my pain, in your face

stop showing off the person

that you could never be.

I, toy,reason of your ignorance

i just can say i hate you.

In this pain,

i want a desolate song.

to your world i can never belong.

Yes i come from another country

all your instance of hypocrisy 

just can not please me.

I,individual, abstract

i send you to the fire

and i laugh when i see you 

burning in your own

ignorance. i just can say

i hate you.

CATCH YOUR EYE

Now you feed my imagination

no noises outside

i can hear you in my mind

and there is a dark exultation

i am going mad

if i catch your eye

all this passion is

a wild delight for my heart.

And all the fears are passing

in front of my eye 

peace overcome, utopian love

i can leave the things i did

behind me 

reach your soul, it is just a dream.

i am going mad 

i am going mad.

ADONIC

TIME....

DEEP DOWN IN THE HEART MINE

FORGIVES MY SOUL

FORGIVES MY THOUGHTS 

YERNS FOR YOUR THRIST 

RECOVER MYSELF

IN SWEAT DREAMS

BORN IN THE VERSES OF LAMENT

original picture the female zoo.

TIME.

SLEEPY MIND.

Such is my sleepy mind

just dream how would like to be

mind in two

exhausted of wrestle,

shatter the dream.

Down to the depths 

of sleep i go,

but could i love you?

sleepy mind,

around your secret face.

i am glad and sad

his soul had conjured up 

a scene of sadness

it had possessed my heart.

sleepy mind,

you have dead flowers inside.

MIRROR OF MIND.

If i could stop the time

i will take you with me

if i could kiss your lips 

i will shout your name again

starry sky,mirror of mind

kiss your lips,fly with me

 

all sadness is in me,

i will not go for a walk

this time,

i grew and i forgot you

all sadness is in me,

my mirror says you are

in the distance

i wish i could shout

your name. 

i wish went to the heaven

mirror of mind 

tell me the true 

it is you who lies.

If i could convey you

all this,all my pain

i will sleep embracing you.

mirror of mind

tell me the true.

HE CLOSED THE DOOR

Picture by the female zoo.

So strange to stand 

beside him in the evening

i promised me i would not care

but then my heart became a stony thing

he loved me like a god's sun 

but my heart was stirred

time passed by

i was thinking of him

all the time

and i promised me i would not care

got together, it was just a mistake

he left with no care 

and i was asleep 

when he closed the door 

he conjured constellations 

into my room

i thought he knocked 

my door again,

he had no right

to leave me like a shadow 

confusion kept me 

unattainable forever.

SAD SEA

you are not burning

for me,i know.

now you are

in my way

i like when we are 

together spite of

you are thinking

of her.

i like dreaming 

you rescue me

from the shadows

i dream she will never 

love you.

and i dream some day 

you will forgive me

yet i will too.

i heard a voice 

deep inside

i felt like in the sea

i know you are loving her

but i am glad

when you stay 

with me,

until the daytime. 

PASSIONATE FORGOTTEN DREAM

your presence fills 

my heart with fear

perhaps,

it is useless to say

i remember you.

i again live through

a passionate forgotten dream

and i fail if i remember your kisses

and all the warm in my bed

let there be only your lips

breath on my face

my days pass like clouds above

just waiting for you

bereft of inspiration.

you fill my heart 

with rage and fear.

THIS IS NOT A DREAM

my head is dead

cut off ideas

could you save me?

my head is dead

my soul 

dance of death

the do not cry

anymore

turn in to dust

full of death throes

this is not a dream

the kingdom of the dead

in lands  of faerie.

my feelings dropped 

to my sides in desolation.

my head is dead.

EGO

it is a feeling that one is inferior

to others in some way.

big like a star

this is not another 

loveless poem

i am waiting

to my real me 

love stinking

no for me

inferiority crossed

to you,to me

ignorance

that is your ego

big like a star.

DISAPPEAR

I need a cure for this hell,

studying my soul

deep inside

hurts your mind

deaf to every call

i can not see 

your heart at all.

black spotlight

where lips and poison 

were filled,

beneath the cup of the moon.

my mood was dark,

if you wanted 

we could disappear 

to somewhere else.

SHADOWS AND SUNSETS.

At one pure bliss

and pure despairing 

As love's last gleaming

fades to sunset

why must we fly?

shadows cover the starry sky

i rest serene 

in my last failure

loveless,

no more flame held

between hand and hand

forgot me heaven and hell

and loose yourself

between shadows and sunsets.

IN A DREAM

Such is the dream

you do not sleep,but only

dream that you thirst for sleep,

that someone lies.

Asleep,and through his dream

beneath his eyelids

two black suns sear 

the lashes of his eyes.

HELLO MOM

she spends the days with no talk

she spends the afternoon

wandering the house

the morning crying

and the evening dreaming

with something better

dreamy she dreams

suicide could save her

she only thinks to give her life

and she  wastes the day

lost her faith in life

everything outside 

is rather boring

and she dreams:

hello new life

all my pain has disappeared 

i can not see the black blots anymore

hey mom i am smiling again

everything is getting clear.

hello mom i am happy again.

CUTS

nothingness 

i cut myself,deep inside

it can not hurt anymore

slow i immerse myself

i remember you

and i feel lost 

i really do

my heart is a hole

i am bleeding

thinking of you

i can feel a shallow loneliness 

it is not necessary 

you come back

i cut myself

and i remember you.

FEELING FREE

i thought that i found you

i thought this time

it was my chance

i will run the rivers

trying to reach the sea

i will run the sun

trying to reach you

burn down my heart

play with my mind

use me and keep me

i am still dreaming

with my eyes open

and i feel free

others in the past got me confused

others in the past trying to blind me

and i will come from the stars

just for saving my freedom

i can feel the air

i have never been 

more happy

and i realized

that i am still looking for you.

BLACK DESERT

the day overcome

pain has already been here

i never meant to get you hurt

confusion came and with it

your black desert

the shadows are still there

could you forgive all this?

meanwhile i contemplate

the memories, i find you

sleeping,i hear you dreaming

i tried to follow you

but my shadow is behind me

black sheets 

between blond hair

sweet made, all pleasure

broken words and the last gaze

it was your tenderness

and my black desert 

you struggled,did i?

i wish to look back 

and stop the time 

and the feelings

i wish slept with you

and i wish stayed spelt.

Amor,amor....

SEEING YOU

i saw you between the crowd

i saw you in each gaze

i saw you in the wood

and in the starry sky

i saw you in other's face

i saw you in my bed

i saw you behind me

i saw you in the white pages

i saw you in the sunset

i saw you inside my tears

and in the darkness night

i saw you in my saddest  day

i saw you...

i saw you holding her

and

i am still seeing you.

ONCE MORE

kiss me once more

raise me through 

your dreams

kiss me one more time

leave me behind you.

memory of sun

next to you

i find my dream

over again,

i can feel

deep in my heart

i am able to talk

about love,

once again,

stay with me,

stamp your lips,

and let me see

my reflection

in your face.

REAL GOLD

this is about dreamers and freedom

i am real gold

i can feel your breath

i can take your intentions

my soul flights

my lips are open,

but you follow your heart

and in mine's still pieces

of who broken it

i take the distance

i take the control of your thoughts

i am a free soul

who plays only at nights

could you hold the key?

perhaps still early

to devote my heart to you

raise your feelings

go beyond the words

dream more if you can

emotions ahead

stop thinking about time

once more.

THREE NIGHTS

Run away

three nights together

three nights of virginity

three nights where

we tried to put away

our feelings.

trying to save us,

to stay together.

and i ever knew

you could protect me

like an angel

all your sweetness

all your affection

it could save me of myself

those nights

we tried to achieve peace,

to save us of the ordinary life,

and all the words and sex

did not come up.

And how we attempted

to reach our love

could i be more dreamer?

All the love that

you gave me

all the patient that

you had

all those nights

watching our naked bodies

watching two stranges

loving a desire,

still could be...

And today

i feel confused

today

i claim more patient,

i pray for the time.

CONDENA

todo ha caido

me encuentro 

en mi propio juicio

me encuentro 

a punto de caer por el precipicio

felicidad utopia,agonizante.

la sombra de mis miedos

y me enfrento a mi jucio

mi sonrisa desaparecio

en algun momento de aquel dia

cuando sabia que tenia que volver

a mi pasado

y ahora encuentro un inmenso vacio

en mi organo corazon,

sin substitutos,

sin abogados 

quienes puedan defenderme

sin ti.

me enfrentare

a mi condena.

WANDERING THROUGH MY PAST

i wandered through my dreams

i heard your call

i heard the call of my regret

in my dreams your voice was calming me down

i fell one part of me missing

you,who was my best friend

my partner,my confidant

you got lost through our memories

now i can see the true 

i tried to fight for our world

i tried to find you in others.

i wandered through my memories

and some odd feelings crossed my heart

my dearest friend

none could not say what happened

either you or me

none can understand what happened 

in our stormy world

my unconditional friend

i am wondering your pardon.

i wandered through our feelings

i never saw the real emotion 

never some else filled me 

i felt incomplete

thinking about you in my dreams

longing for your presence.

i wander 

time pass by in our eyes

those years are gone

you are on your own side

 i am living kilometers away

from your heart,but last night

you were in my dreams again.

NONE

emotions spread

in my memories 

i am watching the last meetings

i am watching you 

old letters fill up my eyes 

old memories scarred

i am still looking for that 

i am still looking for your name

and none can give it to me 

and none is enough 

 i will seek for you to the end

i will lock my heart in a sad box

i will lock you in my soul.

I RULE

animal instinct
stick me
stick you
no feelings
no words
wild animals
without names
no feelings
i promised me
i rule you
you rule me
sadomasochist minds
i rule
i rule
i am taking the control on you.
no feelings
i promised me.

CAROUSEL

life is spining out
am i alone?
life like a little carousel
too much faces
too much pretensions
but in my heart
i can not feel your signs
i am on board
of my little carousel
my head is out
i am travelling on my own
i do not want to travel with someone else
some people think i am a loner
some people think i am a victim
i follow my path
no looking back
i left you at the back

HELLO STRANGER

past behind us
conetions,fellings
i do not find you
between the others
hello stranger
i am glad to meet you
i kissed your lips
i adored your mind
but i try to get you over
hello stranger
i am still felling sad
past behind me
past inside me
hello stranger
did you come to save me?
are you bringing me faith?
hello stranger
i just can think in suicide
my heart is died
my mind is blinded
COLLAPSE
are you here to spend your time with me?
hello stranger
i need some kind of love
goodbye stranger

YOUR THOUGHTS

i whisppered desires
i shout out you name
i said the things that
you did not want to hear
and i waiting your answer
chance meeting is coming
i feel scare
i whisppered you desires
you tear me apart
your heart turned to tranparent salt
i am waiting your answer
give me back my smile
i just need to hear
your thoughts

VOICE CALLED CONSOLATION

i have heard a voice inside

distant voice

tryed to tell me wonderful histories

i did listen the speech

thoughtful i considered

consolation came to me

talking me about future promises

talking me about faith

but i turned down

because you are still in my dreams

you are still in my mind

and consolation was on her way.

WHITE PAGE

feeling dizzy

deepest felling

something is beating inside of me

getting confused

im absorbing every little sensation

im absorbing every piece of you

make my mind spin

words written

fellings spread

and from now on

i know everything is paralyzed

and i am writting other white page.

HOLY PLACE

fate so dark and so untrue

you did not take me with you

i will carry you on to a holy place

where the words do not make sense

and we will be together

where our dreams come true

it is been so long

since the last time i lost into your eyes

fate is painfull

fate is killing me

i glanced at the place

only the candles were burning

how i miss your sad look

let me take you to that holy place

our fates are separate

something inside me

is fighting against my soul

needs eases her pain,

pain wrote your name

last night i had the last chance

to lost myself into your eyes.

ESCRIBI

Escribi tu carta
todos mis sentimientos
se encuentran en ella
llegara mi carta a su ansiado destinatario?
escribi tu carta
no tendre contestacion
y las cenizas de mi autoestima
el mar se las llevara
iras a recoger tu carta?
te he escrito poesias,canciones y ensayos
solo tu eres la razon
cual reaccion aguarda?
solo tu carta
solo tu

YO

te ame desde el primer aliento

desde la primera mirada

desde el primer gesto.

INSPIRACION ENCERRADA

Solo encuentro la inspiracion encerrada en ti

mi vacio esta lleno de ti

ya ni siquiera se cuando ame por ultima vez

y ahora los dias corren por volverte a ver

pero me encuentro en un oceano de ruido

y mis ojos no pueden ver mas alla

la ultima que te vi

mi corazon se paro otra vez

y todo dio un giro

suave y brusco

ya los deseos se han apagado

solo tu eres mi inspiracion

necesito verte otra vez

necesito la bendicion de tu mirada

donde ya las palabras no valen nada

absorto,el mundo cae

y mis heridas nunca se cerraron

y todo el mundo sabe que nunca deje de amarte

todo el mundo sabe que siempre lo hare

y que me importan las opiniones

si tu ya no sientes nada

y elegante te desenvuelves en tu cama

con tu fiel amante

y yo me encuentro en mi fria habitacion

rezando por solo volverte a ver

y con ello que vuelva de nuevo mi inspiracion.

MENSAJES

sueños son mensajes del subconciente

tu conciencia dormida

no te vigila tan atentamente

mi subconciente

esta lleno de falsos amores y de temores

mi subconsciente te llama

mi subconsciente ha perdido la calma

Se encuentra por la calles de la desgracia

perdida sin rumbo,soledad infinita

y en el horizonte tu...

te sigo queriendo tanto

pero es un pequeño secreto

tu ya ni siquieras estas aqui para compartirlo contigo

Cada vez que te veo es un placentero castigo

pero me hastio

y poco a poco muero

los sentimientos estan condenados

solo en sueños estoy a tu lado.

TU PARTITURA

las notas desvanecieron
aquella noche volvi a sentir
parado te recuerdo intentandote ocultar
sabes que sigo aqui
alguien te cogio la mano al entrar

ahora mi cisne se encuentra bailando solo
la luna fue el testigo de su solitaria danza
siempre soñe poder bailar para ti
mi latido esta acelerado
y puedo verte en cada mirada
en cada aliento te encuentras,tu.
pero alguien te llevo
alguien te cego

mi cisne
solitario atraviesa lagos buscandote
continua despierto,solo pensando
alguien te alejo de mi
todavia sigo buscandote entre la miradas perdidas
entre el humo de la noche,
entre la lluvia de londres.

SAD SWAN

heridas abiertas y otro antiguo amor

siempre supe que es mejor no guardar rencor

sentimiento de nostalgia y tu

amor no querido,amor incomprendido

otra vez esa lamentable cancion

esperanza solo me quedaba,y ansiosa

esperaba la hora de volverte a ver

pero no fui la unica que te fue a ver

inutiles sentimientos que no quiero volver a tener

hoy mi amor se ha convertido

en humillante y sofocante

sentí aquello otra vez

ya no queda nada

soy un triste cisne,al que tu has vencido

no poder luchar contra los sentimientos

es sabido que tu amor de nunca

fue correspondido

una ilusion mia

estupida de mi

siento que estoy lejos e inacanzable para ti

ya no queda nada

solo dos tristes cisnes que se separan

FAMOUS BLUE RAINCOAT

Tal vez te hablo desde el olvido
tal vez hay todavia algo de frio en mis palabras
supongo que te he perdonado
supongo que todavia sigues formando parte de mi
pero aun sigo sintiendo dolor debajo de mi pecho

En mi mente continuan perdidas
todas aquellas preguntas que nunca tuvieron contestacion
la ultima imagen que tuve de ti aparecias mas viejo y desmejorado

Todavia no he superado aquel rencor
todavia no he superado el sentimiento de dolor
alguna vez fuistes sincero?

Tal vez te hablo desde el olvido
y a como a un extraño
es temprano para confiar en ti

Si te recuerdo siento tiritar mis manos
y me quedo sin habla,
me quedo sin palabras

Tal vez estos seis años no han sido suficientes
para calmar mi desesperacion
solo recuerdo el llanto
y algunos gritos en tu habitacion

Ya ni si quiera jubamos juntos
solo te recuerdo cuando golpeastes la puerta sin decir adios
solo recuerdo el golpe que mato el amor

Mama ya esta se bien,ya vuelve a sonreir
supongo que ya no queda nada
y es solo un vinculo natural
que cada uno hace su vida

Espero que sigas recordando años atras
o tal vez ya esta todo eliminado

Tal vez te hable desde mi olvido.
como padre que pierde su hijo
al nacer.
como padre que no vera a su hija envejecer.

AGAIN

the walls are screaming your name

in my clock,the hours are strucking

are you thinking of me?

all my emotions are draining

in my empty room.

it is your lack of presence.

i am falling again

on you.

DESIRE

let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone.

condenada

photography by the female zoo.

tal vez nunca encontre la belleza

ni tal vez la exclavitud al espejo

nunca fui compañera de la seguridad

hoy la sin razon ha dominado mi vida

tal vez un adios es prematuro

pero a cada uno le queda su propio futuro

destino marcado por la gloria o por la desgracia

nunca quise herir a mis seres mas queridos

nunca quise malgastar el tiempo de mis enemigos

se que se acerca un adios

hoy el mundo me ha podido

mi inseguridad me ha vencido

por eso os dire adios

tal vez solo pueda pedir perdon

alguno me tacharan de egoista

otros de loca

pero yo lo doy todo por vencido

ya los dias no cobran sentido

y estar consciente es una tortura

a la que me enfrento cada dia

no pido perdon

tampoco consolacion

solo pido silencio

como al que acostumbro a estar siempre

vacia y solitaria pienso en todo lo que

un dia se quedo atras.

no pido perdon

solo me dejo llevar.

performance

ONLY PARIS AND LIFE.